Architecture School

I discovered, via reading the boards on Television Without Pity, that there is a new show on Sundance called Architecture School. When I clicked on the forum to read about it, I discovered that Architecture School follows a group of undergraduates at Tulane's architecture school.

Oh God. Oh God. This was where my friend (the one who died) went to school. He was in this program. The show follows an aspect of the program that wasn't in existence during my friend's time there- the students design and build houses for low-income residents as part of the gradual rebuilding of New Orleans post-Katrina. My friend graduated and died in 2001, so well before the need for this program.

This brings up a question- do I watch this show? I don't have Sundance (or cable at all anymore, see my previous posts), so I would have to buy it on iTunes.

I am leaning towards not watching; I feel that it would be wallowing on purpose. Maybe people who have never grieved don't understand this impulse that draws you in to face that black hole of grief and jump in. When you are early in the grieving process, you fall in that hole all the time on accident. As time goes on, you learn to avoid that hole. It is still there, though. Maybe it is smaller, but make no mistake, it's still there. And sometimes, yes, you jump in on purpose, especially after you have learned how to avoid it. There is something about losing someone so close to you. It tears you apart, and even though you want to be better, you want to get back to normal, sometimes, when you are mostly back to normal, you miss that grief. Well, not the grief exactly. You miss the person, and the grief reminds you of them. The reverse is true as well- be reminded of the person, be reminded of the grief.

I don't really jump in any more. The desire to do so surprised me, a little. I might just watch some of the clips on Sundance's website. Probably that will give me my fill. To tell the truth, I think architecture is frightfully boring, so once the initial shock is over, I'm sure it will be just like every other reality TV show that I have abandoned.

Anniversary

Today is the sixth anniversary of the death of my friend and his girlfriend. How can it have been so long? I didn't even realize it today until I saw the date.

For the first few years, maybe through the fourth anniversary, even, I was painfully aware of the anniversary coming up, and it brought everything back and made the grief seem fresh again. For the last couple of years, though, I was aware of the anniversary coming up, and sad about it, but the wound didn't reopen, and the actual day of, I didn't even realize it until late in the day.

My friend had just graduated from college with a degree in architecture a few months before he died. He worked for a local firm, and one of the last projects he worked on was featured in the AIA magazine, Architectural Record. It was a church called St. Peter's By The Sea in Gulfport, MS. I was going to link to their website, but discovered that the church was destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. When I saw the pictures, I started sobbing, because the church looks exactly how I feel- still standing, but with the bottom knocked out completely. It makes me so sad to know that my friend's last project, that gave him professional recognition (he would have been so thrilled to see his name in Architectural Record), has been destroyed.



Here is the whole collection of pictures of the Katrina damage of St. Peter's By The Sea. They are rebuilding; the same firm is designing the new church; it is going to look very similar, but it won't be the church that my friend worked on.

To my friend, please know that I miss you, and I wish you were still here. Every day, I wish you were here.