Getting to ABD was a long time coming for two reasons. First, the way my program is structured means that I had a lot more hoops to jump through than any other program that I know. Second, I spent about a year making not much progress.
At one point, my advisor had the "Come to Jesus" talk with me that went something like "I'm concerned that you're not making progress; maybe you should talk to someone." I had been exploring the idea of a dissertation coach, but hadn't made that last step. I know from experience with therapists that it can be tough finding the right one, plus, it means that I would actually have to start doing, you know, work. At this point, a not-small part of me kind of hoped I would get kicked out of the program. But a Come to Jesus talk? Time to get real.
I contacted one prominent dissertation coach, and she didn't have room in her schedule for new clients. She referred me to Gina Hiatt, a colleague of hers who did have time to take on new clients. I had one session with Gina, who told me that she was about to start up a new pilot program for-- get this-- online coaching (which has now morphed into Academic Writing Club. It was going to be much, much cheaper than one-on-one sessions, so it sounded like a reasonable strategy to try.
This is, in all seriousness, the smartest thing that I have done since the colossal mistake of starting the damn Ph.D. program in the first place. I cannot emphasize enough how helpful this was in building writing discipline from the ground up AND, even more importantly, getting emotional and practical support from other academics in a way that is lacking in many programs. I think I have a pretty good program overall, but I still don't have this kind of support from my advisor or peers.
It's $50 a month (if you sign up before the deadline), and it is well worth the money. It's a very affordable way to get dissertation coaching to get you going. If you are struggling with your program, seriously, give this a try.
Showing posts with label procrastination. Show all posts
Showing posts with label procrastination. Show all posts
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Why does my heart feel so bad?
So after my advisor had the "come to Jesus" talk with me two weeks ago, she asked for a new draft of my paper with the expectation that it would be beefed up and filled out. She also suggested that I "talk to someone" to figure out why I am having trouble working.
So I did just that- I made an appointment with a dissertation coach, who was very helpful just in the fact that it's someone that I feel understands how I feel about the whole process, understands that I don't like it, yet isn't telling me to quit and is supportive of the idea that I just want to FINISH the darn program and GET OUT.
She suggested that I do this two-week teleclass for overcoming procrastination. Procrastination is a big problem of mine. I don't do work because I don't want to work.
So for the last 2 weeks, I have been doing a great job of working every day, and I've gotten myself up to 2-3 40 minute blocks of writing/working every day. This might not sound like a lot, but considering that many days I do nothing.... it makes a big difference. I have written 10 and a half pages in the last 2 weeks. That is a BIG deal.
And yet... I am still going to miss my deadline (today). How depressing. Instead of feeling good about working consistently and making decent progress, I feel upset and angry that I am missing this deadline. I think I can have it to her on Monday. I just need to not let this depression and upset-ness prevent me from working. All I want to do is crawl under a rock and hide.
So I did just that- I made an appointment with a dissertation coach, who was very helpful just in the fact that it's someone that I feel understands how I feel about the whole process, understands that I don't like it, yet isn't telling me to quit and is supportive of the idea that I just want to FINISH the darn program and GET OUT.
She suggested that I do this two-week teleclass for overcoming procrastination. Procrastination is a big problem of mine. I don't do work because I don't want to work.
So for the last 2 weeks, I have been doing a great job of working every day, and I've gotten myself up to 2-3 40 minute blocks of writing/working every day. This might not sound like a lot, but considering that many days I do nothing.... it makes a big difference. I have written 10 and a half pages in the last 2 weeks. That is a BIG deal.
And yet... I am still going to miss my deadline (today). How depressing. Instead of feeling good about working consistently and making decent progress, I feel upset and angry that I am missing this deadline. I think I can have it to her on Monday. I just need to not let this depression and upset-ness prevent me from working. All I want to do is crawl under a rock and hide.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Finally got my password back!
I lost my Blogger password, and only got a new one a few days ago. So I'm back!
I'm trying to get back in a work groove lately. Working 20 hours a week on school sounds totally doable in theory, but in practice, it is hard for me.
It's been really hot where we live, and our AC is pretty crappy. No fun. This has made it even harder for me, because I will go somewhere else to do my work, only to find that I've left my power cord at home, or my data set is in my email account and I'm in a place where I don't have internet access, or I don't have a copy of the survey I gave to students, etc. So after at least three of these episodes, I have my act together, and I've done the tiniest bit of work, which is mostly cleaning up my data set and running a couple of little things. Hey, it's a start.
I had to have a short "Come to Jesus" talk with DH. I am going to try to go without anti-depressants. To do this, though, I told him that it would be a significantly more expensive proposition, because it means things like weekly therapy sessions, and a dissertation coach to get my ass into gear. These are not cheap propositions, especially compared to the $30 a month that anti-depressants would cost. I needed to make sure he was on board with all this money, because things are tight right now.
I currently have a prescription for a new brand of anti-depressant that I filled, but haven't taken yet. We will see how the drug-free, expensive route goes.
I'm trying to get back in a work groove lately. Working 20 hours a week on school sounds totally doable in theory, but in practice, it is hard for me.
It's been really hot where we live, and our AC is pretty crappy. No fun. This has made it even harder for me, because I will go somewhere else to do my work, only to find that I've left my power cord at home, or my data set is in my email account and I'm in a place where I don't have internet access, or I don't have a copy of the survey I gave to students, etc. So after at least three of these episodes, I have my act together, and I've done the tiniest bit of work, which is mostly cleaning up my data set and running a couple of little things. Hey, it's a start.
I had to have a short "Come to Jesus" talk with DH. I am going to try to go without anti-depressants. To do this, though, I told him that it would be a significantly more expensive proposition, because it means things like weekly therapy sessions, and a dissertation coach to get my ass into gear. These are not cheap propositions, especially compared to the $30 a month that anti-depressants would cost. I needed to make sure he was on board with all this money, because things are tight right now.
I currently have a prescription for a new brand of anti-depressant that I filled, but haven't taken yet. We will see how the drug-free, expensive route goes.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Get behind me, Satan!
This week, I was doing SO well with working. I wasn't doing as much as I would like, but I was working every day, very consistently. I was so optimistic that I emailed my advisor on Tuesday morning to tell her that I would have her a draft in a couple of days.
Tuesday night, I had an allergic reaction to something (Wellbutrin? Funny vegetable at the Singaporean restaurant?) and broke out in a really bad case of hives. Really bad. So bad that I was also running a fever. It is now Saturday, and I still have the hives (although my condition has improved), and still have a fever. I even went to the doctor on Thursday, and she gave me a stronger antihistamine, b/c Benadryl wasn't cutting it. Not helping at all.
So I've pretty much been sleeping all the time, or watching TV, or playing Spider solitaire. I try to work on my paper, but I literally cannot concentrate.
How pissed am I? I think the universe is out to throw up roadblocks in my way of being a productive human being. Well, in the words of the White Stripes, get behind me, Satan!
I am presenting this paper on Thursday- eek! I am pretty nervous about this. I am usually not nervous about presenting, but I am envisioning all these questions that I won't be able to answer, and I'm afraid I will look stupid. Gah. Really, my department is pretty friendly and not antagonistic, so they probably won't be too mean to me, but still. No one likes to look dumb.
Tuesday night, I had an allergic reaction to something (Wellbutrin? Funny vegetable at the Singaporean restaurant?) and broke out in a really bad case of hives. Really bad. So bad that I was also running a fever. It is now Saturday, and I still have the hives (although my condition has improved), and still have a fever. I even went to the doctor on Thursday, and she gave me a stronger antihistamine, b/c Benadryl wasn't cutting it. Not helping at all.
So I've pretty much been sleeping all the time, or watching TV, or playing Spider solitaire. I try to work on my paper, but I literally cannot concentrate.
How pissed am I? I think the universe is out to throw up roadblocks in my way of being a productive human being. Well, in the words of the White Stripes, get behind me, Satan!
I am presenting this paper on Thursday- eek! I am pretty nervous about this. I am usually not nervous about presenting, but I am envisioning all these questions that I won't be able to answer, and I'm afraid I will look stupid. Gah. Really, my department is pretty friendly and not antagonistic, so they probably won't be too mean to me, but still. No one likes to look dumb.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Resolution update
Sooooo.... The year is 1/4 over, and let's check in on how I'm doing on my resolutions.
1. Flylady
2. Run a 5K by June
3. Get my act together with regards to school
4. Spend less money on groceries
Flylady: Not bad, considering. I wash the dishes every night before going to bed, and will occasionally do 15 minute tidying sprees. I've also made the bed often enough that even DH will sometimes do it. We are also much better at meal planning, which is part of Flylady. I don't have a good morning/evening routine yet (except for dishes), but kind of feel like it's more under control right now. I still have a long way to go.
Running: Speaking of a long way to go... I am at least being consistent. I have worked up to doing 5 run/walk intervals of 4:30 run/2:45 walking. I'm running at a relatively consistent 10 minute/mile pace, which is darn fast for me. I may mix up some of my workouts to try for distance rather than time, and slow down my pace to an 11 minute/mile to see how far I can go. I would like to run a whole 5K. I could probably complete one doing a run/walk combination (not at the intervals that I'm doing now, though- I probably cover about 2.5 miles total in my workout), but I really want to run the whole way. In a similar, but not resolution-related, vein, I have really been watching my calories using Self Diet Club (free to subscribers, but sadly, not free to everyone else- I think you can only get it if you subscribe), and have lost 5 lbs in about 3.5 weeks. Pretty good!
Getting my act together regarding school: Wow! I am doing pretty decently on this front- I finally set a deadline with my advisor to get a draft of one of my papers to her, and it worked! It's a crappy, crappy draft, but hey, that's what editing is for! I'm supposed to get her another draft by tomorrow (ulp). I am great about working to deadline, and pretty bad about working when I don't have one. So I am going to keep setting them with my advisor, who totally kicks ass. Love her. Also, I found out that the symposium I put together for our national conference (sneakily including my paper, heh heh heh) has a GREAT time and location. I was afraid that we'd either be early in the morning, or worse, on the last day. Most people leave the morning of the last day of the conference. We're first day, afternoon, though. I also took the plunge and signed up to present my paper at our student colloquium series. It's all about deadlines, baby.
Spending less on groceries: I haven't been following this super closely, but it does look like we're spending less. Yay! This is b/c we're meal planning, and shopping less. This automatically reduces our bill. I tried following the grocery sales, but it just didn't seem to help too much, b/c we're so picky about what kind of meat we eat. We've been buying our meat from our local halal market, which is reasonably priced (maybe a little more than sale priced meat), and hormone/antibiotic free, which is so nice. The meat there just tastes really good. We've decided that paying a little more for higher quality meat is worth it. We've also barely eaten out in the last three months. We still occasionally get takeout Vietnamese, etc., but not so much. DH also, as part of the money saving plan, has implemented an "Eat What We Have" policy. This is what it sounds like. Eating leftovers, even if we're not excited about them. Digging through the fridge periodically to ensure that we don't forget about something tasty (or even just decent) before it goes moldy. It's a good policy.
So, all in all, I'm doing okay. I'm procrastinating on my schoolwork like crazy, but slowly chugging along.
1. Flylady
2. Run a 5K by June
3. Get my act together with regards to school
4. Spend less money on groceries
Flylady: Not bad, considering. I wash the dishes every night before going to bed, and will occasionally do 15 minute tidying sprees. I've also made the bed often enough that even DH will sometimes do it. We are also much better at meal planning, which is part of Flylady. I don't have a good morning/evening routine yet (except for dishes), but kind of feel like it's more under control right now. I still have a long way to go.
Running: Speaking of a long way to go... I am at least being consistent. I have worked up to doing 5 run/walk intervals of 4:30 run/2:45 walking. I'm running at a relatively consistent 10 minute/mile pace, which is darn fast for me. I may mix up some of my workouts to try for distance rather than time, and slow down my pace to an 11 minute/mile to see how far I can go. I would like to run a whole 5K. I could probably complete one doing a run/walk combination (not at the intervals that I'm doing now, though- I probably cover about 2.5 miles total in my workout), but I really want to run the whole way. In a similar, but not resolution-related, vein, I have really been watching my calories using Self Diet Club (free to subscribers, but sadly, not free to everyone else- I think you can only get it if you subscribe), and have lost 5 lbs in about 3.5 weeks. Pretty good!
Getting my act together regarding school: Wow! I am doing pretty decently on this front- I finally set a deadline with my advisor to get a draft of one of my papers to her, and it worked! It's a crappy, crappy draft, but hey, that's what editing is for! I'm supposed to get her another draft by tomorrow (ulp). I am great about working to deadline, and pretty bad about working when I don't have one. So I am going to keep setting them with my advisor, who totally kicks ass. Love her. Also, I found out that the symposium I put together for our national conference (sneakily including my paper, heh heh heh) has a GREAT time and location. I was afraid that we'd either be early in the morning, or worse, on the last day. Most people leave the morning of the last day of the conference. We're first day, afternoon, though. I also took the plunge and signed up to present my paper at our student colloquium series. It's all about deadlines, baby.
Spending less on groceries: I haven't been following this super closely, but it does look like we're spending less. Yay! This is b/c we're meal planning, and shopping less. This automatically reduces our bill. I tried following the grocery sales, but it just didn't seem to help too much, b/c we're so picky about what kind of meat we eat. We've been buying our meat from our local halal market, which is reasonably priced (maybe a little more than sale priced meat), and hormone/antibiotic free, which is so nice. The meat there just tastes really good. We've decided that paying a little more for higher quality meat is worth it. We've also barely eaten out in the last three months. We still occasionally get takeout Vietnamese, etc., but not so much. DH also, as part of the money saving plan, has implemented an "Eat What We Have" policy. This is what it sounds like. Eating leftovers, even if we're not excited about them. Digging through the fridge periodically to ensure that we don't forget about something tasty (or even just decent) before it goes moldy. It's a good policy.
So, all in all, I'm doing okay. I'm procrastinating on my schoolwork like crazy, but slowly chugging along.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
super lazy
I have been super lazy about updating. So sorry! I have to take and post pics from another secret pal package. I will try to do this soon. Teaching has taken up so much of my time!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Progress on Resolutions
So in a recent post, I listed four goals I have for myself this year.
1. Flylady
2. Run a 5K by June
3. Get my act together with regards to school
4. Spend less money on groceries
So how am I doing?
Flylady: I just can't bring myself to subscribe to the emails! However, I am working through the babysteps to make a control journal. So far, I have a morning routine and an evening routine, which I am, more or less, sticking to. I think the morning routine may be a little extensive for me, but I think they're all things I need to do, so I don't know what to cut out. Evening routine is easy, although I am resistant, for some reason, to laying out my clothing in advance. So far, so good. Next step is to try to get some kind of afternoon/evening routine that involves doing Kelly's Missions and doing the 15 minutes of tidying/decluttering.
5K: Not going so well, because my knees have been killing me. I think I overdid it on the elliptical. I'm not due for new shoes yet, and have been running on incredibly soft surfaces (indoor track, athletic fields). I think it's been almost a week since I've done any running? I've run twice in the last week and a half. Not great, but I will just try to be nicer to myself in the future so I'm not laid up for so long!
School: Oy. Not so much. This is a huge source of anxiety. I was hoping that teaching this semester would help me with prioritizing, but that hasn't happened yet. I think I need to do what my advisor says and "ignore the cracks in the ceiling." This may mean ditching more of Flylady. We'll see. I also need to work more efficiently with regards to prepping for my class.
Groceries: No clue, although we have been doing decent meal planning. We spent a lot of money last week on eating out b/c of the flooding and general turmoil associated with pretty heavy duty maintenance. So obviously, we'll have spent less on groceries but a lot more on eating out. Not great, but a good effort so far.
In other news, I signed up for the knittyboard's Secret Pal 6 round. This is kind of exciting!
1. Flylady
2. Run a 5K by June
3. Get my act together with regards to school
4. Spend less money on groceries
So how am I doing?
Flylady: I just can't bring myself to subscribe to the emails! However, I am working through the babysteps to make a control journal. So far, I have a morning routine and an evening routine, which I am, more or less, sticking to. I think the morning routine may be a little extensive for me, but I think they're all things I need to do, so I don't know what to cut out. Evening routine is easy, although I am resistant, for some reason, to laying out my clothing in advance. So far, so good. Next step is to try to get some kind of afternoon/evening routine that involves doing Kelly's Missions and doing the 15 minutes of tidying/decluttering.
5K: Not going so well, because my knees have been killing me. I think I overdid it on the elliptical. I'm not due for new shoes yet, and have been running on incredibly soft surfaces (indoor track, athletic fields). I think it's been almost a week since I've done any running? I've run twice in the last week and a half. Not great, but I will just try to be nicer to myself in the future so I'm not laid up for so long!
School: Oy. Not so much. This is a huge source of anxiety. I was hoping that teaching this semester would help me with prioritizing, but that hasn't happened yet. I think I need to do what my advisor says and "ignore the cracks in the ceiling." This may mean ditching more of Flylady. We'll see. I also need to work more efficiently with regards to prepping for my class.
Groceries: No clue, although we have been doing decent meal planning. We spent a lot of money last week on eating out b/c of the flooding and general turmoil associated with pretty heavy duty maintenance. So obviously, we'll have spent less on groceries but a lot more on eating out. Not great, but a good effort so far.
In other news, I signed up for the knittyboard's Secret Pal 6 round. This is kind of exciting!
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