I officially hate my husband's university. Well, not his university, but I damn sure hate his department.
Let's just say that I should have seen the writing on the wall when his advisor tried to complement DH by insulting me.
DH got his annual performance review. Stellar, as usual, except that they complained that he's not around enough. They said something like, "We understand your situation" (i.e. they know that his wife is a Ph.D. student at another university, a university that is less prestigious than theirs, studying a subject which they think is stupid and in opposition to theirs) "but your presence around the halls will be more important as the job market approaches."
DH thinks it's reflective of the fact that they don't think a personal life is important (they're also mean to people with kids, by the way), but since many of these people have met me, heard about me, know what I'm doing, I'm taking it more personally. My interpretation is, "Well, your wife's program isn't as big of a deal as yours is. She should follow YOU."
This raises my hackles because it is not their place to say who should follow whom. It is a decision that should be made by me and DH. Not them. Not to mention it gets my little feminist knickers all in a twist. I had to work hard last night not to be pissed at DH as an extension of them.
Basically, what this means is that we're probably going to have to spend more time apart. Since I have a lot of TA obligations during the academic year, it means I have to be around A LOT. Otherwise, my professors, almost all of whom are women who have (or had) husbands, and most of whom have at least one child, are super cool about me going back and forth, as long as I get my work done.
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5 comments:
Morons. But it is common in academia. People at schools have given up their lives just to get a $50,000/year gig. They think all "serious" candidates should do the same.
Especially shitty is the implied threat that being around is important to get a job.
Best,
Chris
P.S. AT and I have contracted your dad to come paint the interior of our house. I'm laying a floor two weeks from now, and I needed the painting done before that. Since we're going out of town, we figured to get a pro on the job. It's good stuff.
Best,
Chris
yeah, my dad mentioned that when I talked to him last week- coolio.
People at schools have given up their lives just to get a $50,000/year gig.
LOL. Double that for business schools, at least. DH's best friend, who works for McKinsey, thinks that the "you're not around enough" comment is the token "we have to give you some constructive criticism" that they have to do in their reviews.
I pointed out to DH MANY reasons why this was not true, first of which is that academia is not McKinsey. Second of which, DH has never gotten anything remotely resembling a rebuke or a constructive comment in the past 2 years. Third, his advisor seemed surprised that that comment was in there (as opposed to telling DH to ignore it b/c that kind of thing is routine). Fourth, his advisor is one of the ones who cuts him out of the loop b/c DH isn't there all the time. Apparently phone meetings aren't good enough.
DH is sorry he ever brought it up, I think.
Update on the house: It's fantastic. We did have to argue your dad into taking money from us ("You helped my daughter, etc).
It's really, really good. Now I get to lay a floor this week:)
Best,
Chris
My dad is good people.
Honestly, none of us can ever repay you for what you and AT did for me that awful semester. No amount of money, but we try! :)
What are you doing with the house? I'll email you to get all the deets.
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