Highs and Lows

I am currently assisting with this retreat-type, introspective, intensive exec ed type class. One of the exercises that the participants have to do is to create a timeline of significant events- both highs and lows. Then, you have to write a few notes on why each was a high or low point in your life, and see if there is a theme. So, here goes.

Highs

Get into prestigious college

• triumphant
• relief
• pride
• way out
• moving to new phase
• exceeded expectations of others
• freedom

Get accepted into [student organization in undergrad]

• relief
• fun
• belonging

Full-time job offer

• relief
• excitement
• optimistic
• exceeding my expectations
• freedom/financial independence

Graduate from college

• relief
• excitement
• looking forward to new phase of life
• finally over

Living in (former city)

• First city where I truly felt at home (belonging)
• freedom/autonomy
• likeminded people
• self-discovery

Get married

• happy
• relief (that I wouldn't have to worry about getting married/having kids/etc.)
• self-assured

Lows

Rejected from numerous orgs at college (and I mean numerous)

• not belonging, feeling out of place
• struggling
• working hard, not acheiving desired results
• alone
• not appreciated for who I am

Depression

• What's wrong w/me?
• not fitting in
• atypical experience than what everyone else has
• tired of struggling and working hard to make it work
• lonely
• failure

Best friend died

• total devestation
• not thinking straight/made bad decisions that introduced chaos into my life
• still feeling negative effects today
• lonely
• fundamentally changed who I am

Living in [current state]

• feeling out of place
• feeling isolated
• angry at myself
• homesick for old city

Struggling in grad school

• feel stupid, talents unappreciated
• not acheiving desired results
• forcing myself to be something I'm not
• feel like an outsider
• at the mercy of others
• keep everything bottled up
• exhausting, stressful
• poor

Do you see a pattern? I sure do. The common themes for the highs seem to be:

• relief (getting out of a bad situation or avoiding a bad situation)
• freedom/autonomy over own destiny
• belonging

Common themes for the lows:

• feeling alone
• working w/o results (struggling, failure)
• struggling
• lack of control

So what do I want?? It seems obvious to me. I want:

• Freedom/autonomy/control
• Belonging
• Feeling successful, living up to potential

It was an interesting exercise. I think I learned something about myself.